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Last week, man! It was a good one and the Portland Plaids took it by fifteen votes. Congrats to the Jax staff, the people have spoken and your outlandish third jersey design is a huge hit. I was surprised to see so much love directed at the Swarm and Rochester jerseys as well but it goes to show that a lot of fans appreciate the time and effort that goes into a unique design. Hopefully (Toronto) we can all learn from this (especially Toronto).

And now, by virtue of capturing your hearts and your votes, here are the first round winners and your finalists.

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Originally I was going to do a second round and pair the winners up until we had a final three but I have to tell you, I’ve kind of already burned through all of my material. It’s not easy to be funny about jerseys. “The jersey battles were supposed to be funny?” Ah, the internet, where I never have to tiptoe backwards out of a room.

First up we saw the Philadelphia Wings jerseys take down the Toronto Rock mightily in spite of a snow day. There was no cancelled flight for these Wings, mostly because they weren’t actually flying anywhere but I will force a pun wherever possible. Bold red, a giant W, these jerseys have it all, including the rabid support of a dedicated fan base and Flashdance shoulders. HA! (Flashdance joke credit to sassygrl72, as always.)

Next the Minnesota Swarm thumped the Chicago Shamrox in a jersey battle that had it actually taken place in real life would have looked like it belonged on that old Much Music show Electric Circus. Sometimes I think about that show and worry that I made it up a la A Beautiful Mind only pretty much the opposite. Why did that show even exist? But I digress. On purpose. I find I’m not as angry at the Swarm logo as I used to be, partially because Corporal explained it to me, and partially because I laughed so hard at their Hawaiian jersey I thought I broke my collarbone.

Then the Colorado Mammoth came to town and edged the Portland Lumberjax to become our third entry into the final round. Top to bottom this is a classy organization with a suitably classy jersey and since I clearly do not have much to say about jerseys I would like to take this opportunity to tell the world that Brian Kitts is easily the best PR person in this league. Good jersey, good hiring. Go Mammoth.

And then the San Jose Stealth beat the Edmonton Rush because, well, they were up against the Rush. I would give credit where credit’s due if the Ninja were still around. Gone but not forgotten, friend.

I was genuinely surprised to see the New York Titans take out the Calgary Roughnecks, but it was one of those pleasant kind of surprises because I do think they have the better jersey. Fresh, original, not ridiculous, I think we’ve got ourselves a darkhorse in the finals here folks.

And to cap off our finalists, the Rochester Knighthawks downed the Buffalo Bandits in the worst jersey battle I have ever written (not including this one). I’m still impressed by how they were able to make a logo bird look so vicious. That is the kind of bird that seeks out and aims for your car windshield or, more hilariously, my best friend while she’s riding her bike down a hill.

For combining the old with the new so successfully my vote goes to the Philadelphia Wings. Smart money’s on them anyway because I know how their fans work! But it doesn’t really matter what I think, for I am Costanza, lord of the idiots, and you’re all winners.

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